"HELLO MS ALLISON!"

Whoever says there is no such thing as love at first sight has obviously not taught Russian children, because i am now a victim of the very thing! Today was my first day of teaching at the "Old Kindergarten" or so we ILP members call it, where i will be teaching Russian kindergartners aging from six to seven, two hours a day, five days a week.

Now i know this looks like prison cell #31, but i promise you there are many a laughs and smiles happening behind these cold stone walls

After seeing the pictures of the children just the day before i was just so excited to kick butt (not the kids, I'm pretty sure that's illegal) and just teach my head off (ummm....this would probably be bad as well if taken literally). I had been nervous all week and now i just looking forward to start on the whole purpose of why i was here, and as an added bonus i took a big leap forward and was only awake for 45 minutes last night! I think I'm beginning to see that jet lag fading away into the distance, hallelujah!
I was all set up in my room anxiously awaiting, when the little skippers started to march in and sat on the benches in front of me, the second i saw them i was just all smiles, i don't know what is is about these kids but they gave this all powerful energy that made me feel like i could run a marathon and bring world peace, what i mean to say is...i felt good.
I was introduced by my head teacher and when the children all looked up at me and said in unison with their little Russian accents, "hello ms allison!" i fell in love with them right there and then. I'm pretty sure I'm going to need a second mop, one for the drool and the other for all the times when my heart melts into a puddle at my feet.
I don't know if the parents here just lost all creativity when it came to picking their children's names, have a passion for rhyming, or are just plain cruel because in my class i have alina, alisa #1, alisa #2, liza, misha, natasha, nastya, katya, veronica, allie, and yaygwar. When they were all sitting in their spots i surprisingly could remember their names, but when they were all running around screaming i had to resort to pointing and yelling, "hey you!" When all else fails i just make up names for them like Mr. Bummble me Bottom, or Ms. Nick Nack, or their person favorite, Shlaknametokplona.
It was so strange, but i just felt in my element. Now this may come to a surprise to you all, so i would brace yourself....you ready? OK, so I'm sort of a kid at heart. Crazy, right?! I love to laugh, i stomp my feet when I'm frustrated, i do a special little hum and dance when the food I'm eating is making me particularly happy, and i sleep with a night light. Enough said. So when i was teaching these kids i was just in the mode, i found my groove, i was jiggling the jelly, i was playing with that playdough, i was....well you get my point. My first lesson was to be an arts and crafts project (can this be any more perfect, i mean artsy fartsy should be my middle name! just kidding mom and dad, i like my middle name) and what better to start with than with a shnazy noodle shaker, complete with crayola marker doodles, foam stickers, penne pasta and a sandwich bag. brilliance in a cup!

I sat down on the floor and the children just zoomed right onto me (this could actually be taken quite literal), while most kneeled so close that it would have been socially frowned upon if they knew what a personal bubble was, others were practically sitting on my lap. Now the goal is not to make the craft per say, but just to encourage the kids to speak. So i would describe each item, how it looks, how it feels and all the things you can do with it. I pulled out a paper cup and made just a small hole in the bottom so they could peek through it and i would say "who do you see ____?" and they would press the cup firmly on their eye and then squirm right up to me, pressing the other end on my face and exclaim, "i see ms allison!" i mean come on...time to bring out the heart puddle mop, clean up on isle 10!
Another winner item was the feather, i would show them how soft the feather was and then would go around and swipe the feather of each of their faces and they would just close their little eyes and for one glorious second allowed themselves to be transported to another world of all things soft and cuddly. One little girl i believe, started to purr, then again she was acting like a cat the entire class. When the other children were seated in their spots, allie would be curled up by my feet rubbing her cheek on my ankle despite my efforts to convince her that she was a human child.
All the kids got really excited when they would see my over the top energy, and just cracked up laughing at my cheesy jokes,and nothing makes you feel cooler than making a room full of six and seven year old laugh right? who needs to make adults laugh? ha! not me...nope...phfff.....over rated....ha...ha ha...hooo. Sometimes I would be so zoned in with the kids that i would totally forget that i wasn't the only teacher and that i actually have a partner in crime to help teach as well. whoops!
Yaygwar, the ladies man/trouble maker of the class really got a kick out of my goofy faces and would pat me on the shoulder saying and say in a matter of a fact tone, "you are funny ms allison." Yeah! Brownie points for me! And throughout the rest of class he would make himself as broad as possible trying to save me a spot on the bench, and by saving a mean more shoving kids out of the way saying, "no! this is for ms allison!" and when i would sit next to him he would rest his rest his elbow on my knee with his face resting in his hand. Gosh this sucker is a real heart breaker.
I couldn't believe it when i saw the time was up and all the kids were giving me hugs saying goodbye. At lunch the other teachers just told me how how great they thought i was (am a tooting my horn loud enough for ya?) and that i was just in the zone, i had those kids wrapped around my finger, and oh boy was that the best thing to hear! so i happily gobbled down my dill soup and my strange square of meat (which for one glorious moment i thought was a brownie sprinkled with powdered sugar) with the pinkish/bloody center with gusto and, though exhausted, was looking forward to my next class at the private school later that afternoon.

I was burping up those meat fumes during the entire fifteen minute walk to the metro, the 11 metro stops, and the other ten minute walk to the private school on the other side of st.pete. Here i would be teaching diana, saumya, palina, igor, and gregory, who were only three to five year old. I would be teaching them two hours a day, twice a week, and these kids, well these kids were just as cute if not cuter, so naturally I thought to myself, well my first lesson went great so this will be a piece of cake! oh.....oh what a fool i was.
I realized that a lot of my time at the old kindergarten was spent organizing all the kids and getting them to listen and cooperate, well these kids, these kids were TOO good (wow, i never thought i would say that). They weren't screaming, they weren't stepping on toes, they weren't blabbering in Russian. They just sat there, like perfect children should, just staring at me. At arts and crafts time i totally ran out of idea with still fifteen minutes to go so i made a desperate attempt and stuck a pipe cleaner in a plastic bag and waved it around like a flag. The kids just looked at me like i was crazy, and if i had a mirror I'm sure i would have done the same exact thing. Never have i felt the pressure to wear a big red nose, a rainbow wig and put on a large pair of striped pants than at that moment. With 45 minutes still to go me and my fellow teacher were clean out of ideas, so we just had them stick animal stickers on a plastic lunch bag. I bet the parents were happy to see such a masterpiece being brought home to them. 
Leaving private i needed a good pick me up so i went to a store and bought myself two pairs of large, 100% Russian, itchy, wool socks. I planned to go home, put on a pair of those socks and binge like there was no tomorrow. Walking home i learned one thing: don't wear tights and walk in -14 degree weather. By the halfway mark my legs had lost all feeling except for that pleasantly sharp needle pricking which I'm pretty sure was just my legs giving me the friendly reminder of, "hey! Hi. Remember me? your legs? yeah I'm still here, but if you don't hurry up I'm going to give up and you can just crawl home." Which then moved onto a strange sensation of cold burning, at which point i would randomly stop and slap my legs to get their senses back and remind them that we are all in this together and not to give up on me.
At last i had reached the apartment but what do i find to my surprise but that the elevator was broken! Of course, because we wouldn't want to make this easy for you, would we? so up i went, one flight at a time, 16 flights of stairs, feel the burn (both from the exercise and from my legs recovering from the cold). That night i ate a whole pizza by myself. At first i started out with a fork, for manners sake. Then i began to rip with my hands, for the sake of taking small bites to not choke myself. Then i just picked up the whole thing and went at it like a beast, fork and napkin alone and cold by the wayside.

Congratulations. You have finished your first day of teaching.