Behold, the bowl of blini batter.....
.....the plethora of contents that were placed upon the blini. Once upon a time there was a block of cheese there, but after tasting a piece, i then immediatly spit the rancid disgrace into the garbage. I thought cheese was suppossed to taste better with age! When i bought it i thought it was chedder, it was orange like chedder, maybe it once was chedder....all i know is...it most definently wasn't chedder.
Blini flavor of the day: Smoregesborg! Complete with teddy grams, chocolate chips, mini marshmallows, and sweetened condensed milk. just leave it up to us Americans to turn something Russian into gool ol' American camping cuisine.
Behold: the happy American. Yes, it did include much nonrhythmic humming and peppy head bobbles
and one more time for kicks and giggles....Behold: this is the view from the kitchen window of our apartment, bonus! Every morning i get to eat my Russian porridge, or strange coconut cereal that doesn't get soft no matter how long you let it sit in the milk, peanut butter toast (which is like gold! I brought my own jar of JIF because peanut butter is so expensive here), drink what i think is hot chocolate but to be honest am not sure if it's meant to be for hot chocolate or chocolate milk, or in this case eat my Smoregesborg blini, and watch the sunrise. Eight floors up is hard on the legs but it sure is easy on the eyes!
I would like to announce/brag that today i bought my metro tokens speaking in complete Russian! All three words! an easy task you say? well for anybody else it might be, but for a girl who forgets somebodies name the second they are told, this was quite a feat! So you sure can bet that i was fist pumping and heel clicking in my head as i walked away jingling those tokens of pride and glory in my pocket.
My moment of glory was cut short as i was boarding the escalator with my head held up so high that i forgot to look down and totally speed bumped an old man. for those of you who are not caught up in the lingo of social collisions, speed bumping means to step one ones heel from behind. Now i was told many a thing before coming out to Russia, most of which were just down right lies. Included in these warnings was that they HATE to have their shoes stepped on, getting dirt of their shoes...well you might as well slap their babushka. I would like to confirm that this particular warning is not false, but in fact, FACT! Never have i received such a piercing gaze of hatred. I believe this man was trying to destroy my soul from the inside, because there was definite eye contact. He looked down at his shoe, then back up at me as i began to plead, "isvanite!" One more look at his shoe, one more soul destroying glare and off he walked further down the escalator to distance himself from me. That was the longest wait of my life as I stood in silence the rest on the way down, occasionally looking forward only to meet those eyes. Awkward? yes. Will my soul ever recover? we shall see.
Since being here i have felt the cold. I have felt the cold to the point of my legs going numb, to the point that my hair goes white from catching the moisture of my breath, so cold that i feel as though i can be suffocated by my own frozen snot. But never have i felt a cold such as this, it truly is a strange sensation to have your lips starting to go so numb that you start talking with a blubbering lisp, if you're having difficulties picturing this then just imagine what it's like after receiving numbing shots from the dentist. See it? good, moving on. As i walked on, talking/blubbering, not knowing if my legs were still with me or had fallen off into some gutter, I was seriously beginning to question my sanity until i saw the whole purpose of my journey, the Smolny Cathedral.
You can bet your babushkas (im not sure if you've noticed but i have a thing for the babushkas) bottom my jaw dropped when i turned the corner, and with the addition of the numb lips, well i think its safe to say that i was in great need of the drool mop.
I was one happy driveling girl.
Once inside we payed 100 rubles to climb to the top of one of the towers to see the view of the city. seeing that the sun was setting, we huffed and puffed to the top as fast as our legs could take us....wait, can we stop this thrilling story for just a second? i thought i should let you know that i just discovered that the cereal i bought only yesterday, that i have been munching on for the past half hour, expired four months ago.....ok, continuing on. When we reached the top and got to the door, we stopped to savor the moment, took a deep breath (which in my case was just a breath seeing that every breath i took was a deep breath), and walked out to see....(angels singing)
whether it was the numb lips or the absolute stunningly gorgeous view, my jaw dropped
overlooking the frozen Neva River
the best 100 rubles I've ever spent...
at the bottom of the railing i could see tons of coins half buried in the snow, and when you see coins on the ground the first assumption is, WISHES!! so i dug into my money belt, which i realized might as well be a huge sign saying, "Hello! I'm a tourist!" because believe it or not, people don't usually keep money down their pants but in an actual wallet! Anywho, i pull out 50 kopecks (equivalent to a penny and a half. you can tell how much faith i have in this whole wishing thing), and made the classic cheesy wish of health and happiness, blast... i just told you my wish, there goes all my hopes of a long happy life.
The smile of pure mischievous rebellion. i crossed over the railing to crawl into this claustrophobic brick hole. was it worth it? absolutely.
Don't let this sign fool you, this bathroom was not in the least bit classy or lady like, the stench was so bad i had to resort to breathing through my mouth which actually may have been worst. With each breath i could feel my tongue just being coated with the thick stench.
With our mission complete we bundled up once more and ventured out into the courtyard. Walking out we saw two large buses of people parked in the front when out popped a bride and a groom! It's old tradition in Russia to go around the city and take pictures at all the major sites, and we just so happened to be at the perfect spot at the wrong time. I'm sure all the wedding guests in the buses were having a good laugh as i was slipping and sliding around the courtyard trying not to get in their picture, looking like a uncoordinated, dancing, black, abominable snowman. When i finally exited the danger zone we were off to find a Russian bakery in hopes of gobbling down a nice hot pastry.
We came across a quaint hidden bakery, which just smelled of sweet goodness the moment you walked in. there was no way to decipher what anything was, so it was a more point at what looked good and just keep your fingers crossed that what you got was not filled with goose jelly.
My luck pulled through! my pastry was not filled with goose jelly but with a sweetened cream cheese filling! the sweet old lady heated it up for me, and it was truly scrumptious.
You know that awkward moment when you have to pee so bad that you bend down and act like you're scratching your leg or tying your shoe just to try to hold it in? well that was me, but in my case i was acting like i was looking at slippers on the bottom shelf in the grocery store. I'm pretty sure the cold has shrunk my bladder because I've never had to go to the bathroom so often. I never thought it would come to the point that i would have to go to the bathroom so bad that a package of toilet paper would look better than a new pair of work pants.
Sunday i learned three things: first, do not yell out, "SHOOT!" in the middle of sacrament meeting when you realize that you forgot it was fast sunday. You will receive many varieties of looks, none of them being good. Second, little boys over here are still rocking the mullet. And third, make sure the missionaries have health insurance before they start translating, because looking back on them throughout sacrament they were all breaking out in a sweat, wiping their foreheads, beginning to breath heavier, im pretty sure one checked his pulse, and to be honest wouldn't be surprised if one ended up with an ulcer.
Brother and Sister Hazelwood invited us over for a good ol' home cooked meal of chili and loaded baked potatoes, bless their sweet souls. Brother Hazelwood was even kind enough to whip out some fried chicken gizzards, and surprisingly.....not too shabby! chewy, but definently eddible. I stuffed myself till content, then i stuffed myself even more with banana's and ice cream. notice how i separated the two words, that's how i like my sundae's strangly enough.
On our way back home, with bellies full of hearty home cooked goodness, a sunday nap was just calling our names, and in no way did we resist! We took advantage of the metro ride home to take a quick snooze
I couldn't resist sharing this picture with you, after laughing to the point that i was just heaving like an old man i thought i should share the joy. This is kylee, kylee's hosting mother decided to dress her out of fear she was not warm enough, kylee waddled around Russia looking like a black bear/Sasquatch. And you know something isn't right when even the Russians are giving you weird looks when you're wearing a fur coat.
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