WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT? A TACO OR A PB&J?

Yes mom, i did make 5 pb&j sandwiches, wrapped them in tin foil, and packed them in a foggy bread bag. i ate one before bed, i ate one for breakfast and i now have one all snug in my purse just waiting to be snuck out and devoured. I have to admit however, competition runs high for my pb&j when I'm sitting in a Mexican restaurant, suddenly a compacted and smushed pb&j doesn't sound as good as it once was.
Happy veterans day! Moscow is in celebration and I'm so lucky to be here to see it! The day started out wandering out into a large open street right in front of the Bolshoi Theatre where everybody was in celebration, waving flags and singing what i suppose was one of their anthems. Couldn't be quite sure though, it all sounds the same to me

Today you are going to get a rare treat. Today i will say little, and let the pictures do all the talking, with maaaaybe a little tid bit here and there. Enjoy this folks, this wont be happening often.

Today was the rough sketch of the city, no set plans, but to just go wherever the cold, chilly wind took us

I was the girl always lagging behind, wandering out of the group, taking pictures of whatever peaked my interest (which was practically everything), and i was most certainly the girl who had someone take a picture of her in front of just about every statue.

I just visited one of the cathedrals i was just dying to see, the Church of Christ the Savior and ohhhh myyyy goshhhhh....speechless. My time in Russia so far....yeah, this is my #1 fav! This grand, marvelous, gorgeous, towering, MAGNANIMOUS cathedral is beyond words. Though i do have to say, i think i did a pretty good job finding a couple that do it justice

The knack of taking pictures of myself that doesn't hint of a double chin was never in my repertoire

Me+Statue=YES!

At this point there was much foot tapping and sighs of "not again!" as the group looked back to see me, the dedicated photographer, far behind, crouched down in the slushy snow, getting as they say "down and dirty"


Here we are, back at square one! Remember that pb&j i was telling you about? Well after much debating with my conscience in my head i decided to split a taco plate with Suzie. Hold me down, I'm going crazy! While ordering, out of curiosity, i asked the waitress if the taco plate had one or two tacos....she thought i was ordering two taco plates....me and Suzie each got our own. blast. and hellooo pb&j for dinner

 

just had a bite...i think it was destiny i got my own plate. Well that settles it folks! Taco dominates!

While everybody digs in their wallets for tip money you can always count of me to be digging for a napkin and a pen. I mean, who likes to get a boring ol' pile of money anyway? So every time we go out to eat i always leave our server a little tip buddy. Meet tip buddy #4- the elvish, English speaking, Mexican Spaniard.

Failed attempts of acquiring jumping shots in front of St. Basils is an absolute must...

Pose #1- The game show model

Pose #2- Princess Pat

Pose #3- Third time's the charm!



Every so often the the magical chimes of Spasskaya tower will ring throughout the square, it's these moments that are my favorite, when i just can't help but stop and get a big slap of "You're in Russia!" in the face, and then a dumbfounded huge grin proceeds to grow on my face


The GUM mall located right on Red Square is....well, a palace. a three story palace with glass ceilings, filled to the brim with designer stores, fountains, marble flooring, and a Porsche Lane lined with...you guessed, squeaky clean, shining Porches. Ooooo...fancy shmancy

"RED SQUARE"

Pretty darn fantastic day, don't you think? Our group is splitting up for tomorrow for those of us who want to venture out early in the morning and those who want those few extra hours of blissful sleeping. Believe me, when i woke up the next morning and looked down on them (are you picturing this here?) i wished i were them. First step is the hardest, right?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE...

Do you know what it feels like to be standing in a deserted snowy street in Moscow, Russia at 5:30 in the morning? well i do. There we were, huddled together underneath the florescent light of a 24 hour Subway sign, (which, as an eye witness, i can say is a bit of an exaggeration) trying to access their wifi to find a map to direct us to our hostel. Off in the distance we could hear Enrique Iglesias's "Do you Know?" playing from a 24 hour bar just down the street (hence the title, inspiration can come from the darnest of places). If you haven't noticed Russia believes that there is never a wrong time for sandwiches, beer, or flowers.

Only a few hours of arriving in Moscow and we were already getting a feel of how truly prepared we were for the trip. Without the assistance of, who we have now titled, St. Tim we would still be standing dumbfounded in the train station or wandering aimlessly down in the tunnels of the metro.
Disembarking my carriage i immediately went into "seek and destroy" mode, except in my case it was more "seek and destroy with hugs and cries of relief "mode. So when i saw the head of one of my fellow travelers i couldn't help but exclaim loudly with a hop and a skip to my step. I think everybody was just as relieved to see me as much as i was to see them, their fears of me captured by the mafia were finally ceasing.
We all shared our stories of our train ride, one of which included a creepy man who knew no such thing as a personal bubble as he tried to share his headphones. My story, well it went something like this... i spent my whole night in fetal position, cuddled up to purse, using the soft inside of my coat as a pillow case, draping myself in a sheet blanket. Sleep came in short bursts as a slam of the bathroom door would awaken me, and then some screw in the door dared to loosen itself from the door hinge and rattled all night long. Walking off the train i swear i could still hear it rattling in my head....mocking me. Mark was the luckiest of us all, no creepy men, no rattling screws, oh no...Mark spent his train ride sipping tea discussing the philosophy of...well honestly i don't know what boys talk about, so I'm just gonna say "boy stuff" with a bunch of highly educated, English speaking young men, one of which was St. Tim. A true blessing indeed for this boy, this man could use some male bondage time.
St. Tim guided us showing us the ways of the Moscow metro, and was even so kind to see us off to our stop, where he bidded us farewell as we boarding the escalator, headed up to the streets above

I would like to say that it's just the mirror, or the boots, or the coat, or maybe the combination of all three that's making me look like a hobbit, but now i can't be so sure. After believing i had a voice that somewhat resembles a female and then hearing my actual voice on a recording, i don't know what to believe anymore.
When i was booking our hostel online i read it was difficult to find and they weren't kidding! the location isn't difficult to find, but the fact that there is no sign complicates things a bit. After roaming up and down desolate streets and even stopping at a laundry workhouse to ask for directions, the mood of the group was well...let's just say it was safer if you didn't say anything at all. While everybody was slumping around, heads downcast, i however couldn't help but just smile and look up at all the gorgeous European buildings and architecture. I mean come on guys, were in Moscow, Russia! Yes, it was cold, but not piercing, the street lights just played up the beauty of the buildings, and the snow was so friendly! yes folks, snow can have emotion. 

Once we found our street name located on a side of a building, because that's just the way Russia does things, the search still was not over! we wandered up and down that street trying to find something, ANYTHING that even hinted of our hostel. I don't think i picked the best time when i said, "uhhh...did i mention it doesn't have a sign?" oh if looks could kill...

I got to know this street real well that morning, that tends to happen when you walk up and down something at least six times

Desperation was now becoming obsolete. After making an estimation of the general area our hostel was we began to just knock on every door and window we could find. I must have been knocking on one particular window a good ten minutes or so, determined that this was the right one and the only reason nobody was answering or why police where not showing up that a mob of American zombies had shown up at their door was because they were in the middle of a really good Russian soap opera. We had moved up to another door when then heavens opened and mercy was bestowed upon us in the form of a girl, who just so happened to be the girl who worked at the front desk of the hostel! she took us to our door, and guess what? it was the exact building that i had bruised my knuckles knocking on.

 

So here i am, feeling a gratitude for roofs that I've never felt before, writing this by book light as everybody else is snoozing away in bunks. My teeth are brushed, I'm in my comfy leggings, the holes in the thighs growing bigger every day, laying in a bunk, listening to the bells chime from the cathedral just up the street. With every move i make i can feel the hard coil springs in my mattress, and you know what?  i couldn't be happier.

PLATFORM 9 3/4, MINUS THE 3/4

I feel that the best way to describe the first stretch of my journey to Moscow is through the rambling thoughts i wrote in my journal...

Dear Me,
And i thought that ordering fast food with my mom was stressful! Never in my life have i felt so close to an anxiety attack. When i was booking my tickets to Moscow, little did i know what i was signing myself up for. Steaming in my sweaty coat, sitting across from a man eating a very fragrant half sandwich half burrito, while trying to write with my one and only dying pen. The hairs on the sides of my face have decided to curl out instead of down, and i would like to thank my personal hair stylists for doing such a fantastic job. So thank you snow storm, thank you humidity, and thank you sweaty perspiration due to nerves and exhaustion.
At this moment I'm sitting in a booth under my top bunk, which just so happens to be located directly next to the door which i can almost guarantee goes to the toilets. Well...at least i don't have to worry about wetting the bed! Wow, that was a terrible attempt of putting a humorous spin on a positive attitude.
Now I'm just wondering, how the heck I'm going to get to my top bunk! When i think bunk i at least think i can reach the bunk at eye level, i can just barely touch the top with my finger tips standing on my tippy toes! So I'm just gonna study and see how people reach the top bunks because the only way i see myself getting up there is by somebody giving me a boost, or shooting me out of a cannon. Doesn't look like there's too much space either, if my calculations are correct (calculations meaning staring at the space for a few minutes and taking a blind guess) id have to say there's only 2 1/2 feet of space! My bunk is one of many that lines the entire right side of the cabin, while on the left there are cubicles that hold four bunks that are perpendicular to mine. There is no wall for me, oh no, just me and the pleasant hustle and bustle of every single person who needs to relieve themselves, which seems to be every other minute. this is going to be a loooong night.
Did i forget to mention that im completely out of minutes on my phone? cant call, cant text. heaven help me. what i can do however is recieve texts, i just can't reply, so its kinda like seeing help but being held against your will so that you can't yell back. So all these texts of, "are you ok?" "did you make it to your carriage on time?" "did the man you ran away with kidnap you?" will just have to go unanswered for now.
The oder: tea, body oder, cigarette smoke, and the girls right across from me have just popped open two cans of beer. Russian BO, that is one thing that I'm not going to miss. just got a good ol whiff. Hope it's not me...nope, all good. Just acted like i was itching my nose on my shoulder.
Hey! i have two Elle magazines to read....oh Russian, riiiight. Don't get me wrong! I'm having the time of my life! Just thinking of everything i experienced in the past half hour is definitely a memory for the books and the gran kids. "I remember the day when i was frantically running, while following a complete stranger of a man, to get to my train on time in the Moscovsky Vokzal train station in Saint Petersburg. With only five minutes till my train left this man guided and ran with me until he saw that i was safley on board my carriage."...."and the moral of this story children is: do not speak to strangers, unless you fear of getting an ulcer, then i would advise you to seek and ask for help." oh yeah, so much better than that whole "walking up hill both ways" story.
Even when i was safely on the train the heart attacks didn't stop. Shortly after leaving the ticket lady came by and began to check tickets, and i just about died. i didn't have one! my heart sank...my ticket wouldn't print off at the station because well, things would just be too good if things went as intended. And my e-ticket was with my roommate on her ipad, and she was on another carriage! I dont know if it was an act of mercy or a miracle, but somehow she knew i was good to go, and as she walked away my heart began to rise back up to it's intended location once more.
So right now I'm writing just as a form of therapy. it's either that, stare at the man who has now come back with a cup of tea, or stare out the window (either way staring is inevitable)...i thought trains moved faster than this.
I cant help but just smile to myself as I'm writing this. i have been completely separated from my group. You should have seen all of our faces when we realized we were not all bunked together but all separated throughout the train. i just gave one of my hysterical maniac laughs and thought "what the heck! it'll just add to the story!" this was our first time leaving St. Pete and we felt alone enough as it was! we were all completely new to the trains and didn't have a single person who remotely knew what to do. we already got lost trying to find the train station! first getting off on the wrong metro stop, and then not being able to find the station. id say we were turned around a good five times before we got to where we were suppossed to be, and good gosh if im not comfortable with asking for directions by the time i get home home i will be amazed.
Oh my gosh can i just say i am so grateful my cough is gone? I'm pretty sure i would have been thrown off the train by now if i still had it. now my stuffy/runny nose...well, that's a different story. crap, i can feel it running down, bathroom run for some TP? 
Wow, I'm on train traveling across the lands of Russia on my way to Moscow, that's pretty awesome.
Gosh, I'm not sure if this guy is staying up to drink his tea or if he is waiting for me to crawl on my top bunk before he goes up. So I'm just going to keep writing to make it look like I'm doing something, it's kinda hard though because the main light is off and all that's on are these dim overhead lights and my hand castes a shadow directly over the spot I'm writing, so I'm kinda writing blind here. i don't know what to do! i honestly don't know how to reach the top bunk! i don't see anybody else up in theirs, maybe they too have come to the realization that it is impossible?
hahahaha! oh my gosh i just had the biggest "DUH" moment! i was sitting there looking at the table and noticed that the underside was cushy and then in dawned on me...oh my gosh this table flips down! this IS his bed! turns out what i thought was the top bunk was just a shelf for luggage, uhhhh...whoops? i couldn't help but cover my mouth, i can't believe it took me this long to realize it! i immediately got up and tried to communicate with him, wanting to apologize but the word failing to pop into my head. He motioned that he could sleep on the top if i wanted to sleep on the bottom, and i am so glad i took his offer because i just watched him swing his leg up and over and yeaaaaah....i would never have been able to do that.
so here i am, finally on a bed, which just moments ago was a table, writing by mobile flashlight. Might as well put this phone to use if it cant call! i just looked up at my "top bunk" not believing that i actually thought that was my bed, oh what a fool you are! oh gosh, i think the man is trying to change up there and its got half the space, now i feel bad, but i don't know how to thank him other than saying "spasiba" over and over again. i should probably get some sleep, I'm arriving in Moscow at 5:30 a.m! before i do ill probably look out the window a bit and see the countryside as the snow is falling. See you in Moscow! Goodnight!

Love, Me

AWKWARD AND AWESOME THURSDAY!

AWKWARD:

• Looking at the pictures up on the wall at my school and coming across one in particular that i thought would fit in perfectly with AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com, then taking a closer look and......oh whoops, that's one of my students
• just sitting down to eat breakfast and then told that it's fast Sunday...my head falls to my chest as i give a large sigh, the naughty side of me wishing that i could just forget what i just heard. never has oatmeal looked so good then at that moment as i was pushing it away
• walking past one of the many lingerie shops and seeing a nicely toned male manikin advertising, "24 hours open" on his lower pelvic area. whitey tidies and bad grammar....now THAT is a turn on
• playing a game at the crosswalks of red light green light, seeing if the drivers will yield or not, because the whole "yield to pedestrians" yeah, doesn't exist here. The drivers have two speeds here: at a dead stop, or "if you get in my way you will die" fast.
• Working away on the computer with a bag of caramels in front of me, reaching into the bag for juuuust one more, only to feel....nothing. it was at that moment i looked down to see a gigantic pile of empty wrappers just staring at me from the desktop. It was an awkward moment for both me and the pile.
• walking along the side walk and getting a nice steamy sewer facial.
• looking down at your lunch wondering if it really came from the kitchen, or if something had crawled up from the deep dark depths of a cow and died on my plate.
• the Russian manikins here have uhhh.....very pronounced chest markings
• walking to the school and seeing a bunch of fire trucks outside, and because of my childhood where a whole day would be dedicated to touring a firehouse, i just assumed that this was for educational purposes. when trying to prance my way into the school however a man yelled at me in Russian looking at me like i was stupid, and said, "fire." ohhhhh......you mean....ohhh he he he, you mean there was an actual fire? well shucks, my bad. i guess my stuffy nose didn't really help me out here when i couldn't smell the smoke
• that moment when you cheer when it's19 degrees outside
• Hilariously inappropriate mispronunciation moments of throwing a cube/die with the kids and hearing,"i want to die!" or my personal favorite, "i want the pube!" (had to debate whether this should go in the awesome category
• losing my key to the apartment and being trapped outside in the cold waiting for someone to open the door, then trying not to look like a creeper as i follow that person inside
• when I'm doing the train with the kids and i catch myself going "chugga chugga chugga chugga toot toot" like Major Pane
• the glorious sensation of feeling something snap on your body, immediately going into conservative mode trying to cover up any part of your body that may be revealed due to that snap (buttons, zippers, etc.) only then to look down and see the remains of a broken purse. Awww man, what a disappointing relief.
• I watched a man walk to the side of the side walk and prepare to fire, except this missile didn't quite leave the cannon. He ended up with a two feet long strand, swaying in the wind. (psst! mom, this is your cue to say that line from that movie that i hate but have grown to love so much)
• running to the bathroom fumbling with your pants as your body is about to let loose a mini hurricane, bending down and falling strait into the toilet because the previous person was so kind enough to leave the seat up, needless to say i glared at every male i saw for the rest of the day

AWESOME:

• Browsing the candy isle and seeing a chocolate bar, but not just any chocolate bar, a a chocolate bar for MEN. we all looked at it for a bit, pondering, when i suddenly exclaimed, "oh i get it! it has nuts!"
• skyping with my family is...you guessed, awesome

• chocolate=awesome. and who says math is difficult?

• "sometimes all you need for happiness, is a little chocolate." i can always count on dove candy wrappers for words of wisdom, and yes, i did spend fifteen minutes trying to translate it

• i now know why ice cream comes in a tube, not because it's just awesome, but because it makes amazing ice cream sandwiches! chocolate cookie ice cream sandwiches, to be exact. just slice into that sucker and, mmmm.....

• the random pictures on the metro signs as I'm riding up and down the escalators are priceless: flowers, chopped carrots, parrots, a kitten, bananas, kittens, a monkey, mixed berries, old paper, rock pebbles...whoever pics these pictures out is a genius

• the crinkling sound the tin foil makes when i eat my chocolate bar

• children here have scheduled chess classes! for half an hour a day they are taught all the do's and dont's of playing chess! needless to say, i find this quite awesome

• awesome that four of my awesomes are about chocolate...wait, make that five

• I've been taking full advantage of that fact that it is legal to pirate music in Russia!
• today i saw grass! yeah, that green stuff that grows from the ground? i saw it! it was slimy, and mushy, not the most pleasant shade of green, but grass none the less

HOW I MET LEONARDO DA VINCI

Yet another weekend in St. Petersburg, and the weekend wouldn't be anything if it didn't start out with a race against the clock! Yes, i slept in. Surprise! Can you blame me? I finally got a new mattress! After coming to the conclusion that getting hives on your skin was actually not normal, nor fun we decided to chuck the old dense mattress pads, which i think have accumulated weight over the past 15 years from the remains of old ILP members. Yummy. I thought there was no way that i could be ready on time, but i can now tell you that I will never underestimate the magic of a new shirt. I was able to dress myself (even feeling kinda cute to boot!) with even enough time to spoon down a glob of gold (peanut butter) before tripping out the door

It was hard to believe that it was only 11 in the afternoon and the sun was already making its decent. Sometimes it's just sick how short of a period of time i can see the sun, or should i say the light radiating from the sun. It's been so long, that i almost can't remember what it looks like...

 Today's agenda: the Hermitage!

I was always so confused, is this the Hermitage or the Winter Palace? Well your answer is...both! The Hermitage is one of the largest and oldest museums in the world dedicated to art and culture, it consists of six historic buildings, one of which is the Winter Palace. The Winter Palace alone has 1,786 doors, 1,945 windows, 1,500 rooms and 117 staircases. Are you comprehending the size of this place? If you are, congratulations, you are one step further than me.

I was already starting my day off right by forgetting to grab my student card, ("right" being the term to define my classic forgetful self) so while everybody else was flashing there student cards there i was paying the darn 400 rubles to get it. Gosh dang it. We went down to the coat room (i love saying that, it sounds so sophisticated, yes? no? moving on...) which to me is a magical place where you can lose 10 lbs in 5 seconds. I mean my hips are large enough as they are, they don't need any help thank you very much, and it just felt so nice to walk around not feeling like a frumpy, black, abominable snowman. 

(Sigh) the Main Hall, it's one of the few places that still holds the original 18th century style. This is where my head craning began, because for most of the day i was looking more up than down or forward. Now if this wasn't a slap in the face then i don't know what is. Does that even make sense? For some reason i just felt that it fits...what I'm meaning to say is...this room was STUNNING! Almost everything was painted with gold leaf, and the statues on the wall are not even statues, but paintings just made to look 3D, and to think...i can't even draw a proper stick figure. I was once more trying to be stealthy taking pictures (which turns out is very hard to do when your camera makes noises whenever you press a button) because i was too cheap to pay for sticker that allows me to take pictures freely. I mean i already payed to get in, NOW you want me to pay to take pictures?!

You can't have a Main Hall without a red carpet! I walked on that carpet as if i were a model on the runway, just less sexy, but there was definite umph. It was so neat to think that this is where Royalty walked, how many times had they walked up and down these stairs? Honesty i know nothing about the people who walked these stairs, i just knew that they were famous. Ok, serious research when i get home. If I'm going to walk in their house than i should probably know who they are, for all reasons polite

This is just one of the many ball rooms in the Palace. Did i waltz around the room dancing as if i were at an actual ball? Is nutella and peanut butter an incredible combination? The answer to both of these is a resounding YES.

The gorgeous embellishment seen here is actually on the ceiling of one of the ball rooms, and an exact replica was laid directly below into the wooden floor. These people seriously put a whole new meaning into the word "detail"

A story comes with this picture. So i really liked this painting, don't ask me why, i just did. Maybe it's the way that those eyes just stare right into my soul, so i took a picture. Notice the two men on the right, do they look a little paler to you? well that's not from a lack of sunshine, that is....my flash. I totally forgot my flash was on! Flashes are a no no here, especially for one who doesn't have a "i payed and therefore have a legal right to be taking pictures" sticker. Immediately one of the lady workers came up to me, fear could be seen in my eyes as my heart sank, already preparing myself to be brutally beaten down and escorted out. To my relief she only told me to turn my flash off, and i more than willingly obliged, and i made sure by back was to her until i was out of eye sight

They should have free massages after each tour because my neck was beginning to get sore from looking up so much. I walked right underneath this chandelier, when Sveta our tour guide told me that nobody walks under the chandeliers because if one were to fall...well it wouldn't be good. Ok, that's one thing I've done wrong so far. We came to a glass case filled with priceless treasures and out of eagerness to get a closer look, touched the glass. That's the second thing. Walking down a grand hallway of painted portraits of royalty, Sveta asked me if i knew who any of them were, i did not. Three strikes. Needless to say Sveta gave me many pity pats on my shoulder shaking her head, while i just stood there, glum, head downcast in shame

The architecture is sometimes more amazing than the art on its walls

Everywhere you turned there was so much beauty. There was not a bit of space that did not have the most intricate of detail. In the floors, in the walls, in the ceiling,  in the doors, even down to the doorknobs. the door here was actually inlaid with the shells of turtles, giving it a bluish metallic hue. Turtle shells!

As you might have noticed this picture is a little blurry. This is the whole purpose to the title, and it's blurry. Figures. By now i have made it into a science as to who to ask to take my pictues and who not to ask. THIS is a Leonardo Da Vinci original! It's called "Madonna and the Child." My heart skipped a beat when i saw it, and i just stood there getting up as close as i could, to the point that i could fog of up the glass but just far enough away so as not to leave nose prints. Seeing all the individual brush strokes was just amazing! i can now say i saw the brush strokes of Da Vinci, and i know that everybody out there has had the desire to say such a thing

After a cerain amount of time i began to go into a numb state. My mouth was permanently gaping, my mind blank as i roamed the grand halls and rooms of the Hermitage. If you can even believe it today was just the rough sketch! we didn't even cover close to a quarter of what the palace has to offer, so i have conspired a plan. every Sunday before church i will come to the Hermitage and cover one section of the map at a time, until the whole place is covered. too big for my briches? perhaps, but im still gonna try to squeeze in them anyways

The boy and the....dolphin?

Walking out into Palace Square we also managed to walk in on a huge childrens carnival, off into the distance i could see the shapes of childrens bodies randomly flying into the air as they bounced on trampolines. The music of a concert could be heard, and i am convinced that the only reason some people go in the childrens entertainment business is because they were not blessed with a deeper voice after puberty, so they stuck to entertain those who knew exactly how they felt.
I boosted back up my sugar level with a caramel apple blini and was off to the grocery store! i once again forgot to bring a grocery bag with me, but it was nothing new to me to be swinging around a loaf of bread in my purse.