"EXCUSE ME SIR, HAVE YOU SEEN MY ESOPHAGUS?"

All i can say is this...i much rather be spending the day at Lagoon than curled up on the bathroom floor caressing a toilet seat with food poisoning. Which, I'm ashamed to admit, is what my boss was thinking. I'll have you know guilt was eating at every fiber of my being until the moment when i was being blasted a whopping 217 feet in the air. At which point all guilt was lost forever and was instantly replaced with terrified suspense, blubbering begging, and then mute screaming [did you know that there is actually a level of fear that even an audible scream can not describe? believe me, it's out there]
There were too many times to count that day of standing in line, living in the moment spending time with some of my favorite people in the world, only to find myself the next second clicking my way up some brightly painted death trap thinking now wait a minute....I'm kinda peeing my pants right now. But then i would always walk away from that ride, surrounded by girls with beyond ridiculous perfectly tousled wispy hair, with my head held high rocking that greasy cowlick with pride.
Taking advantage of a green patch of grass we plopped ourselves down to a feast of pringles and 98% water vs. 2% meat sandwiches, finishing it off with an pleasantly unexpected hour long nap.
As the sun set the ghoulish beasts awoke and began to roam the park. Witnessing a too feminine Frankenstein sing "Love Shack", a poor boy wearing a sad puppy shirt wallowing around in a water fountain, and a group of ski masked chainsaw massacres whipping their hair back and forth was just the beginning as throughout the night i learned that a piece of gum on the sidewalk would become my new best friend when seeing a mangled corpse of a hillbilly approaching. Remember watching all those scary movies and finding yourself yelling at the screen don't run you idiot! that only makes you more of a target! Well I'd like to ask you to put yourself in my situation of being chased by a bloodstained butcher [complete with butcher knife of course], and i would love to see if you do differently. So for all you boys out there that i grabbed and groped at frantically, if you would prefer to think that that was a desperate move of flirting with you instead of me choosing you to put between me and the threat of death....be my guest.
When the drool started to come out to play i knew that was my cue of the lack of feeling in my face and therefore my time to go. So grabbing our belongings as fast as we could and flinching at anybody who appeared to look abnormal in any way, or did any sudden movements we exited the park. During that time i still managed to curse every girl i saw who was still looking  a perfect 10 while i had steadily been making my way to a sturdy 4.3. After a 99 cent burger and fries stop i then burrowed myself, laughing with pure joy at the blissful sensation, into comfiest couch known to man.